Should I always try to go for a natural look?

It depends on your age and appearance. Some girls, both transgender and genetic, don't have the right features to do a natural look and must resort to a more heavy, made-up look. As you age, you will see more smile lines, wrinkles, and crows feet on your face. Age lines can be somewhat hidden with makeup. If you have a cute face, but a big body, you should try to bring the focus away from your body and more towards your face, so a natural look might not be best for you. A completely natural look involves not wearing any makeup at all. This requires absolute perfection in your skin care regimen so your skin looks as smooth and as healthy as possible. It also requires you to have very feminine facial features. I've been perfecting a completely natural look for the past few years and devoted a lot of my time and money to skincare. I've done fairly well for myself by being read as female with a completely natural look, but my goal is to improve even more.

Where can I learn about hair and makeup?

Every woman learns the bulk of her makeup and hair styling knowledge over the course of her lifetime through daily practice. Most tgirls don't have this luxury, so they can benefit from makeovers, books and videos, or one-on-one instruction. Many of you know that I basically wrote the definitive book on transgender makeup techniques called Secrets to an Awesome Makeover available here. All of my books are geared to those of you who are motivated enough to learn techniques that will take your look to a whole new level. Whether you are a reader, student, or disciple, I hope you will learn something from my writings and add something to your makeup and style repertoire.

Why should I buy your books and videos when I can learn everything on YouTube?

You can only learn so much from people who are not in the LGBT community. I've been working on my look since 1991, but if you want to get technical about when I actually started doing makeup, I started in 1982 when I was 14 and wore makeup to school. Most of the people you see on YouTube weren't even born then. I've kept up with makeup trends over the years and I've written books and produced videos that are tailored for genetic males who want to look like genetic females. There really is no comparison between any makeup artist you'll find on YouTube and me because most likely the YouTube makeup artist can only make herself look good whereas I've made countless people like you and me look good.

What if I don't have much hair? How can I take my hair to the next level?

There do exist wigs that selectively "patch" bald spots on your head. You can also try wearing custom-made hair pieces that cover your bald spots with hair that matches your own. These hair pieces are usually called "lace front wigs" and tend to be quite expensive, so a decent alternative is the monofilament wigs that have their own skin caps where the wig hair looks like it's growing from your scalp. That's one of the big secrets to ultimate passability, to have hair that looks like it's growing from your own scalp. For more information on hair loss, click here.

What are your thoughts about hair?

One of the things I've always stressed with my readers is the need to constantly challenge yourself. In my case, I've always believed that wearing long hair was like you were trying to hide something or cover something up. I didn't want to hide behind a "mask" any longer. That forced me to really work on perfecting everything about my face. Every couple of months, I reevaluate my look and see where I can take it next. My choice of short hair resulted from my observations of all of the women walking around the city during the day and night. More often than not, you will see women with shorter hair styles and I believe that successfully wearing short hair is one of the keys to blending into society if you're a transsexual.

Growing my own hair was easy, but keeping it as short and styled as chicly as possible is a true challenge. I'd say close to 100% of the crossdressers in the world would never dare do what I do and probably 99% of the transsexuals in the world wouldn't, either. I am always inspired by the chic styles of Sharon Stone and Halle Berry and they are proof that ravishing beauties do not need long hair. Long before I considered myself trans, I challenged myself in other ways. I changed my look from high-intensity super-glam drag queen to natural girlie girl over the course of several years. It was cool that I got to experience the high-fashion glamour side of things, especially the big hair, heavy makeup, long nails, and sky-high heels, but all of that just wasn't me. In the beginning, it was all about the thrill of going out as a woman, but once the thrill was gone, I came to the realization that there was more to what I was doing than just dressing as a woman. It was about being a woman.

I don't recommend short hair for everyone. Not everyone has nice hair that can be styled using styling products. Straight and wavy hair are nice types of hair to work with, but curly and kinky hair are not. Not everyone has the facial features to work a short hair style. Not all genetic women have the facial features to wear short hair, either, although many will try. However, you will never know if short hair styles will or will not work for you unless you try and it can't just be a single-attempt kind of thing, either. I tried wearing every short style wig known to man before I found one that really worked for me and when I had the confidence to take my look a step further, I just took off the wig and started wearing my own hair one day.

If I have thinning hair, should I get hair weaves?

At one time, hair weaves were all the rage to me, but the more I read about them and the more pictures I see of women who have worn hair weaves for the better part of their lives, the less I am inclined to recommend them. Look at poor Naomi Campbell, one-time supermodel of the world, losing her hair from traction alopecia. It's a shame. I always wondered why each of the four times I got hair weaves, it was always so stressful on my hair and I always wondered about the long-term detrimental effects of hair weaves.

What if I eventually want to wear my own hair in public, but I have male pattern baldness?

It looks like Propecia and/or hair plugs will help you. Ask your doctor about side effects. Such treatments and procedures are costly which is why tgirls with substantial incomes from decent careers are at a distinct advantage. Hair problems should always be corrected if you are considering being full-time. If you do not fix your hair problems, many people will not take your gender choice seriously.

Why do so many girls where curly blonde wigs?

There is a common misconception that a woman with curly blonde hair is fun and flirty. A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away) curly blonde hair used to symbolize this, but any crossdresser who wears such a wig nowadays will generate lots of odd stares because it's an outdated look.

What one change can alter the look of your face completely?

Tweezing your eyebrows. Few guys tweeze their eyebrows to extremes the way women do. You have to be careful, though, because when your eyebrows get real thin, every eyebrow hair left over is crucial to the shape of the eyebrow. At that point, tweezing two or three hairs can alter the look of your eyebrows significantly. If passability is important to you, then tweezing your eyebrows has to be a part of what you do every day.

Some of you may not be able to tweeze your eyebrows because of your work situation, to which I always counter that you should change your work situation if it imposes such a limitation on the way you want to live your life. For more than ten years, my eyebrows were tweezed, my ears were pierced, and my facial hair around my mustache area was completely lasered. I made a conscientious choice to look fairly androgynous at all times. Many people, especially part-time crossdressers, were shocked to discover that my family situation closely resembled theirs. I never worried about my 24/7 feminine appearance because if you are great at what you do and cannot be easily replaced at your workplace, people will excuse any oddities they see in you.

Should I shave off my eyebrows so I can just draw them in?

No, if you shave off your eyebrows, you will look like Odo on Deep Space Nine. Keep your eyebrows!

How can I improve my skin?

Do some research on what a salon facial is and what it can do for you. Do some research on what hand and body lotions can do for you. Do some research on permanent hair removal techniques and what they can do for you. Understand that tanned skin always looks better than pasty white skin. Know that all of this will cost you hundreds to thousands of dollars. Being a woman isn't cheap. Budget some money each month for skincare, tanning, and hair removal.

Which tanning booth will give me the best price/performance?

Tanning salons usually have HT42, HT54, and HT60 booths at a maximum of 11, 10, and 8 minutes, respectively. Do the math and you'll note that the tanning power over time is 462, 540, and 480, respectively. The HT54 tanning booth at 10 minutes is the best bang for your buck. Tanning aficionados will say that you will spend less time in the HT60 booths, but are you really going to balk over the extra two minutes?

You are beautiful. Your smile is dazzling. I apologize for getting personal, but are your teeth real or do you have dentures?

Thanks! My teeth are real. I've never had dentures or caps or anything like that.

Your hands are so beautiful. How often should I get a manicure?

Salon manicures should be redone at least every two weeks. Once the nail color reaches a certain distance away from the cuticle, as shown in the following picture, it is time to get a manicure. Do not let this distance exceed one-sixteenth of an inch, otherwise it will look unsightly.

What is the difference between junior, women, petite, and plus sizes?

I grabbed this well-written paragraph off the Internet: "The difference is in the body shape that the clothes are cut to fit. A junior size is cut to fit a young body with fewer curves, smaller bust and less definition between waist and hips. That's why junior size jeans often have that gappy thing going on at the back, when the hips fit the waist is too big. That's because of the way junior sizes are cut. Junior sizes are in odd numbers, from 1 to 15. Junior styles tend to be casual, trendy, and suitable more for school, casual going out, club and first-job wear. Misses are cut for a more developed figure with a few more curves. There is usually an eight to ten inch difference between waist and hips, so misses jeans don't have the same gapping problem as juniors. Misses sizes are sold as even numbers, from 0 to 16. Most women fit best in a misses size once they are out of their teens and early twenties. The greatest range of styles for everything from casual to formal to office is found in Misses sizes. Petites are cut for shorter body, between 5ft to 5ft 4in. It does not mean skinny, slight, fine boned or anything, it only denotes clothes for someone who is shorter than average. They can be junior cut in sizes from 1P to 13P or in misses sizes from 2P to 14P or in Petite plus, which is 16P to 26P Petite plus is for women who are short and full figured. Women's is a bit of an older out of date size range. Most clothes sold as women's these days are in reality misses sizes. If the size tag has a W along side the size then it is a true "woman's" size. Women's sizes are for a more mature figure and are often cut with more room to move, the styles tend to be mature, not as close to the body and not as attractive. A modern over-50 woman has no interest in loose baggy shapeless clothes, she wants to show off the shape she's worked hard to keep. So the true woman's size and style range is falling out of favour. Elastic waist pants, full cut calf length skirts, longer below hip jackets and short sleeve tops tend to be women's wardrobe staples. Often women's styles are made in so called "easy care" fabrics such as polyester, polyester cotton blends, and stretch polyester. Plus sizes are cut for a full figured woman with a larger than D-cup bust size. Finally, there is the old out of date half size range, which has been replaced by petite plus. One final note, size numbers mean nothing. There's no longer any such beast as "standard sizes" and nothing runs "true to size" You really need to ignore numbers and try thing on to get the best fit. Many find that they can vary in size from store to store, and even from brand to brand. If you don't fit into the clothes in a certain store, a different store might fit better, or even a different brand. Don't be afraid to enlist the help of a store worker. If they know their merchandise they can help you find something that fits."

What should I wear the first time I'm out?

You can wear whatever you want provided what you wear does not make a fool out of you or sully the reputations of other transgender girls. I occasionally see transvestites wearing fetishy, hooker-like clothing while walking the streets. This is just plain wrong. Restrict clothes like that to fetish parties.

What should I wear to a transgender support group or a transgender convention? How should I act towards others?

The mode of dress is usually conservative, so heel heights are kept reasonably low and skin-showing is kept to a minimum. A lot of the tgirls at support groups and conventions are older and much more reserved. Few of them appreciate loud, proud people, so keep your gender euphoria to yourself and your close friends. When you greet others at these events, use common courtesy to greet people. Always introduce yourself to others and help introduce any friends you may have brought with you to people you've never met before. The atmosphere of a support group or convention usually fosters new friendships. You don't have to like everyone, but you don't have to be standoffish, either.

What should I wear at your parties?

You can wear whatever you want. There are no restrictions. Some girls want to look as sexy as possible. Others wear what they wore to work that day, especially if they are full-time women. You will earn big kudos if you try to dress in the theme we have each week. Themes can be found on our Monday Night Tgirls party page.

What is the difference in cut between men's and women's turtlenecks? Can you get away with wearing guy stuff and save a bit of money? I find that slightly masculine styles of female clothes look better on me, probably because I am male and I do look a bit masculine when dressed as a woman. Is it possible to make oneself up as a woman and wear guy clothes? I think women can look very sexy doing that.

Women's turtlenecks, and tops for that matter, are usually cut shorter in the waist than men's. Also, a medium size for a man is usually a large size for a woman, so there is a chance that most women's clothes won't fit most men. Buying clothes at a large woman's store might help, but some of the coolest-looking clothes are made for the average-sized woman. If you can create the illusion of having a feminine body shape, you can wear anything you want on top of this shape and look good. I know many sexy genetic women who buy mostly men's clothes and shoes and look very good in them. If you have an exquisite feminine face to match that feminine body shape, you'll be very successful.

Is carrying a purse and wearing gloves okay or overdoing it? I have a pair of mesh hand gloves I just love, but most women don't normally wear that. And, about purses, I feel very silly taking my wallet out while shopping en femme.

Most women carry purses. Perhaps if you are 25 or under and are going to a club, you can get away without one, but it's better to carry a purse anyway, otherwise where are you going to store your lipstick, compact, keys, money, and ID card? The key is to carry a purse that's not too big and not too small. If it's too small, you won't be able to carry all your essentials. If it's too big, it will make you look like a dork. Some women do carry wallets inside of their purses while others carry their credentials in a loose fashion in their purses. Some purses, called wallet purses, have compartments for carrying ID and credit cards. You answered your own question regarding gloves. Wearing gloves is overkill, a fashion trend from the Sixties. I can see wearing gloves in drag pageants or in evening gown affairs, but these are rare occasions.

How do you feel about sleeveless tops for the summer months?

If you have thin arms, wear them. If you have large he-man arms, avoid wearing them. Note that having thin arms does not necessarily guarantee you will look good in sleeveless tops. It just means you have a better chance of looking good in them. There are plenty of thin men who look like thin men, but do not look very feminine.

Should I or should I not wear a bra?

Bras are designed to provide definition and support for your breasts, however, in recent times, bras have been fitted with enhancement pads to make your breasts appear larger. Transsexuals who are not confident about their breast size may choose to wear these enhancement bras while growing their breasts or waiting for breast implant surgery. I'm not particularly fond of enhancement bras because my goal is to show everyone my real, all-natural body as often as possible, but I do understand their purpose and advocate them if they give you confidence.

Should I bare my belly?

Only if it is worth showing. If you have muffin tops, hide the flab!

I remember when velvet was strictly a dressy fabric. Now it seems to be worn year-round, day or night. Am I right?

Yes, you're absolutely right. Technology has made velvet more affordable, changing how we think of and wear velvet. Synthetic fibers, such as polyester, acetate and rayon, often replace silk, lowering velvet's price and making it washable. Spandex has made it more casual. Together, these two elements have taken velvet from evening-gown material to the stuff of T-shirts, bodysuits, tights and leggings. Different weights make it appropriate for warm weather or cold. However, there still are a few things to know about how and where to wear velvet:

I see some women with impossibly large feet crammed into sandals that look entirely too small for them. Their heels seem to go way over the edge of the back of the shoe. Is this right?

Your heel should never go over the edge of the back of the shoe. If anything, there should be a continuous flow from your foot's heel to the shoe's heel. Women who wear sandals that are a half size too small for them are also violating this rule.

Do you feel obligated to finish everything on your plate?

I used to feel obligated to finish as much of each dish as possible, even if I didn't care for what I was eating, just to please the person who bought it for me. That feeling was deeply ingrained in me from childhood and found its way into my adult life, however, a terrible incident in 2008 in which I chipped my two front teeth on a candied nut pastry convinced me that I should stop trying to please people so much.

Do you wear glasses?

No, I had LASIK surgery on Wednesday, August 12, 2009 and now enjoy 20/20 vision, something I've never experienced before in my life. I've documented my experiences with LASIK surgery here.

What is Botox like?

I had Botox done three times in 2006 to 2007 and a fourth time in 2010. While it is true that it lessens the look of fine lines and wrinkles on your forehead and in between your eyebrows, it is also true that you can't raise or lower your eyebrows easily. Botox raises your eyebrows from two to four millimeters, enough to give you a look that can range from a refreshed, awake look to a look of permanent surprise. This slight raising of the eyebrows makes a genetic male forehead look more female by hiding the browbone behind the eyebrows. Much of what people find attractive about me is my ability to express what's on my mind with my eyebrows. Botox decreases that ability, so there is a tradeoff between facial expressiveness and youthfulness. I don't recommend Botox for everyone.

What can I do about my noticeable Adam's apple?

I also have a noticeable Adam's apple, but I never let it bother me. The thinner you are, the more prominent it will be. If you work on perfecting your makeup, your voice, and your demeanor, nobody will care if you have an Adam's apple. Besides, women actually do have Adam's apples! You can do a Google search on this and learn about this fact. Here's an excerpt from Go Ask Alice!:

"The Adam's apple is nothing more than cartilage and is a characteristic primarily associated with post pubescent men. But some women do have larger Adam's apples than other women, similar to how some women have facial hair or large feet, also characteristics that are more often associated with men. Some women with this condition wear turtleneck tops and/or scarves tied around their necks. The aspects of one's body that differentiate gender in our societal context, such as the Adam's apple, facial or body hair, and breasts, are not determinants of one's sex or gender identity in any medical sense."

Is it possible to shape my butt to look more like a women's butt through exercise?

Yes, it is, but it all depends on your genetic makeup. Check out the legs, butt, and hips of bicyclists, sprinters, and swimmers and you'll note that they are larger than the average person's because of all of the lower body training they do. Perhaps the easiest of the three to get into is bicycling because the bicycle actually does a lot of the work from one point to another for you. If you want to build up your butt, you should use one of the extreme gears that forces you to pump your legs much harder as you go up or down hills. If you can normally bike 5 miles per session, try it on an extreme gear to really get your lower body working. The cool thing is bicyling is not just for the lower body, but for the upper as well. You'll develop strong lungs in the process.

On days when you're not bicycling, work on your abs to make your midsection appear toned and smaller. This also gives the illusion of wider hips and a bigger butt. A big, toned man's butt is not much different from a big, toned woman's butt.

I'm five-foot-eight, 150 pounds. Is there any chance I can weigh 110 pounds and look like a swimsuit model?

Yikes. That's a huge weight reduction. If you were 200 pounds, then dropping 40 pounds would not be as significant as going from 150 to 110. Did you ever compare the bodies of a 110 pound genetic male and a 110 pound genetic female? Skin on bones. If you want to look like Heather Locklear or Pamela Andersen, that's one thing, but you don't need to be 110 pounds to do it. First of all, Heather and Pamela are a lot shorter than five-foot-eight. Second, I doubt either of them weighs 110 pounds, especially curvy Pamela. Those breast implants must add at least five pounds to her weight. Third, and I don't want to burst your bubble, but you most likely have a completely different bone structure than the average swimsuit model. Compare your joints and you will see what I mean. Are your hands as small as most women's hands? Are your wrists, knees, ankles, and feet comparable to a suimsuit model of your height? If not, then what you need to do is get yourself a reality check and come up with a more realistic plan going forward. Know what your limitations are and set realistic goals and expectations and you will find yourself set up to succeed rather than fail.

Does eating dessert before dinner actually spoil your appetite?

Whoever said this is full of crap. I've eaten dessert before dinner countless times and it's never affected my appetite. Perhaps mothers are worried that their children would rather skip their horrible cooking for a delicious piece of chocolate cake.

How do you feel about tgirls who don't pass or have a tough time passing?

They are my sisters just the same as the tgirls who do pass. Everyone has something unique to contribute to the LGBT community. The only people I have a problem with are the tgirls who always compare their looks to others and think they are superior based on looks rather than intelligence, personality, or things they can do to help the LGBT community. Along the same lines, I have a problem with tgirls who believe they are in stealth and cannot help the LGBT community because they fear being outed. Nobody passes so well to be so pompous like that. If you're in stealth, you can always make anonymous donations to people or groups you feel are making a difference in the LGBT community.

What is the best way to learn passability and realness?

Start by sitting in a public park or garden and observing everyone in your immediate vicinity. Take notes of what people are doing, both men and women. Study how women interact with men and other women (what to do) and how men interact with women and other men (what not to do). Incorporate these what-to-do behaviors into how you interact with men and women. If you want a jump start to developing a more passable female image, purchase my books, How to Look Like a Woman, The Art of Gender Illusion, and Passable.

A lot of unpassable girls look the way they do because they don't try hard enough to be passable or they learn bad advice from people who just don't understand the needs of transgender women. Some girls settle on a look because they think that that's all they are capable of, but the truth is everyone can look better than they already do. A commitment to one's physical attractiveness is a very important part of what being a woman is all about. Many of you have mastered the mental aspects of being a woman, but in order to be socially accepted as a woman, you have to look like a real woman and that requires mastery of beauty techniques that might require a lifetime of training and practice. You can schedule private lessons from me through my makeover service.

You mention about how people judge tgirls walking down the street. Well, I'm a tgirl and I've never been judged. Does that mean I pass better than others?

No, not necessarily. What it means is you should be thankful that previous generations of crossdressers and transsexuals have paved the way for your acceptance in today's society and culture. Without these confident people walking around and interacting with society in public - morning, noon, and night - most people would still be very much in the dark about transgenders. Even genderfuckers, people who for the most part dress as one sex but wear or do something that befits the opposite gender, have done their part in creating tolerance for differences in the way people dress in society. Passing is no longer the cherished activity that it once was. Being a woman is the new standard by which everyone consciously or subconsciously tries to attain. This is part of the evolutionary process of how transgenders can and will fit into Westernized society and culture.

Can I wear wigs and be passable?

Being accepted as a woman with no questions or doubts in a stranger's mind is a major challenge. A stranger can be convinced that you're serious about your gender status if everything about you is natural. The more artificial traits you have, the more people will think you're wearing a costume rather than showing your true self. While it would be ideal if you could pull off a completely natural look, I do not advocate doing so if you do not have perfect feminine features, a full head of hair, a small bone structure, and natural feminine mannerisms. You can learn how to be more feminine over time and you can correct some masculine features with plastic surgery, but not everything is correctable. Many tgirls have to live with the fact that there may be limits to what they can do and how feminine they can look. I may sound harsh when I talk about the importance of wearing your own hair, but my intent is not to condemn anyone for wearing wigs. Every day there are transsexuals who live their lives as women and do just fine wearing wigs. Many of them are much more passable and attractive than many transsexuals who wear their own hair. I would say, from first-hand experience, that the convenience of wearing a wig to change your hairstyle in seconds is unbeatable. If you do wear wigs, you should wear the best wigs you can afford and you must maintain them expertly so as to present yourself in the best manner possible.

Can I still live my life as a woman even though I'm not completely feminine?

Many times on my bus rides across town, I see transsexuals who are built like linebackers and aren't very passable carrying on conversations using loud, nasally voices and exaggerated mannerisms. I know they must believe they speak and act like women, but nobody else seems to believe it. Although people will stop and stare at them and probably talk about them behind their backs, these transsexuals are living the life they want to live despite their limitations. Their Quality of Life (QOL), however, may depend heavily upon the situation they find themselves in. Unpassable transsexuals may be the victims of constant verbal or physical abuse. Not everyone accepts transsexuals and those who cannot defend themselves may find themselves encountering life-threatening situations. In general, if you're not completely passable, your QOL will suffer greatly because of it. There are transsexuals who are built like football players, don't know they are built like football players, and believe they are completely feminine and passable. They are scared of dealing with the truth, so they place themselves in safe situations where they cannot fail. It is better to know your limitations than live a fantasy life. The mind is a very powerful thing and I believe that if you really want something quite badly, you will be able to achieve it against all odds. There are many transsexuals who are over six feet tall and pass very well. These women knew what their limitations were and worked on overcoming those limitations.

How were you able to go to all those restaurants and not get "clocked"?

Many, many men have taken me out to dinner at over 125 restaurants and bistros in Philadelphia and I rarely get clocked. This kind of success isn't limited to just me. If you're smart, funny, and have impeccable etiquette, there should be no reason why guys aren't banging on your door to ask you out on dates. If a guy thinks you're pretty on top of all of that, that's just icing on the cake for them. Some guys chase after girls who are not passable, never take them out on dates, and never spend any money on them. These guys look for girls with low self-esteem in the hopes that they'll be able to score some easy sex.

Have you ever had feminine facial surgery (FFS)?

Yes, I've had rhinoplasty to give my nose a more feminine appearance. I've also had Botox and silicone fillers injected by board certified physicians.

Have you ever had any body surgery?

Yes, I've had bilateral breast augmentation with silicone gel implants.

How do you feel about tgirls who airbrush their pictures?

You can airbrush a wrinkle or two or undereye bags because you look sleepy on a particular day, but most airbrushed pictures look cartoony and fake. At one time, when I was partying a lot and looking like shit, I airbrushed myself a lot. Now that I'm not partying as much and taking care of myself, I look a whole lot better and don't need the magic brush.

What do you mean by "socially integrating into society as a woman"?

It means doing the kinds of things that women do while presenting as a woman. The more of these things you do on a consistent basis, the more you will successfully integrate into society as a woman. If you do none of these things consistently, it is difficult for any sane person to believe you're a woman. Real women do real things. They do not hide from society. They do not seek special considerations for themselves just because they are transgender. They do not consider "dates" to be sex in cheap motels.

• Get your hair highlighted, cut, and styled at a hair salon. Men's haircuts do not count. Neither do wig haircuts because you don't get the benefit of being around other women. If you go to a salon that has a special back room for your privacy, then that doesn't count. Private back rooms prevent you from learning what it's like to socially interact with other women. If you dress as a man to get your hair done, you are a crossdresser and not a woman.
• Get manicures or pedicures or artificial nails done at a nail salon or a hair salon. The same rules above apply here as well.
• Go out on dates with guys. A date may include dinner at a nice restaurant, a lounge, a movie, a theater, the zoo, a museum, etc. Usually, a date includes more than one of these. Sexual encounters in cheap motels do not count. Safe places where trannies meet after tranny support group meetings do not count. Dates should not be limited to nighttime. If you've never gone out on a date with a guy as a girl during the day, then the guy probably isn't comfortable being with you and doesn't see you as a woman. Going out with a guy helps you understand the dynamics of men and women and how people see or interact with the two of you. Getting placed in a private back room in a restaurant does not count.
• Go out to the above places with friends. This helps you understand the dynamics between you and the people who see or interact with your group. Getting placed in a private back room in a restaurant does not count.
• Go out to the above places by yourself, too. The one exception is going to nice restaurants which should be limited to dates and friends. Walk down the street and seriously study how others perceive you. Do they look at you as if you are just another person? Do they look at you in fright? Do they giggle or laugh at you? You can learn from these experiences. All of this is useful information to gauge how well you pass as you walk down the street. Do not slouch if you are tall and do not lose eye contact with anyone. Do not be discouraged by people who fear, giggle, or laugh at you. Learn from it because you are obviously doing something wrong and need to correct it.
• Shop at supermarkets, department stores, boutiques, beauty stores, and clothing stores. Look at people when you pass them by. Walk down the aisles and seriously study how others perceive you. Do they look at you as if you are just another person? Do they look at you in fright? Do they giggle or laugh at you? You can learn from these experiences. Are you allowed to use the women's dressing room in clothing stores? If not, then people don't see you as a woman. You need to correct that.

A transsexual should socially integrate with society as a woman as much as possible first before she starts hormones, before she gets a name change, and before she gets any surgery, otherwise it will be very difficult for her to be accepted as a woman in society. If you are concerned about your neighbors and people you know seeing you dressed as a woman, then your goal isn't the kind of social integration I'm talking about. Those of you who seek special considerations for occasionally presenting as a woman in a public place are not women, but crossdressers who seek permission to crossdress in that public place.

How did you achieve your passability?

Read this section a thousand times if you want to learn my method for achieving passability.

When you want something so badly that mental anguish turns into something physical and torments you so badly that you cannot eat, sleep, or think straight, that's when you will understand how I felt when I was conquering two major obstacles in my life: my music success and my passability.

I've been heavily into music my entire life listening to everything from my parent's records from the 50s to current dance music. With very little formal training, I started producing my own music, mostly instrumental dance tracks with self-recorded vocal samples, my own rhythm tracks, and my own melodies. I spent thousands of dollars recording and manufacturing vinyl records, cassettes, and CDs, sold my records through various record stores, and sent demos out to radio stations. The fruits of my labor resulted in little to no airplay. Lots of clubs played my songs, probably because most DJs want to be the first to discover the next big thing, especially in their hometown.

I knew I was good. My production skills were top-notch because I learned everything I could by watching famous engineers mix my songs. Because I was a no-name, I couldn't get the airplay I deserved. I got depressed thinking about my failure to make a dent in the music world, so depressed that my mind would cloud up and I'd get dizzy every time I heard an inferior song on the radio. I'd get nauseous when I ate. I couldn't sleep for more than four hours a night. I'd listen to parts of songs on the radio or in clubs and criticize them. Sometimes I even believed that parts of my songs were stolen and used in hit songs. I became hateful and overly critical of everyone else's music without looking at the one possible problem that was preventing me from becoming successful: maybe my music wasn't as good as I had thought, maybe my production values weren't quite there yet.

I got so fed up with the music scene that I took a break from it. In 1997, I started rebuilding my music studio by getting a new computer and sequencing software and building around it. I made the decision to dedicate all of my energy into music production. I read and re-read everything available to me and built my studio piece by piece to the tune of over $50,000 worth of gear. No expense was spared because I didn't want the lack of instrument sounds to be an obstacle in any of my productions. I slowly learned the art of dance music production and then it all came together one day and I was churning out song after song, some in as little as an hour.

Getting my first royalty check for songs that were used on MTV shows, such as The Osbournes and MADE, was proof that I had "made it." The demons that haunted me, telling me I was no good, were no longer on my shoulders. When you feel so rotten that you hit rock bottom and you just want to give it all up, including precious life itself, then you will know how I felt at the time. Then you will know it's time to make your situation better.

And so it was with my passability. There is no doubt that I was a beautiful crossdresser for many years. I spared no expense on top shelf clothes, jewelry, perfume, and makeup. I wore the best wigs, ones that cost well over $400. Many beautiful non-Asian transsexuals thought that I was a full-time transsexual just like them; however, the one group that I always admired that always made me feel like I was not "in" with them was the beautiful Asian transsexuals, the ones who could walk into any environment and never be read.

I tried very hard for many years, but could never be like the beautiful Asian transsexuals. I became bitter and ill thinking about it. The thoughts of not being like them consumed me for so long that I began taking the steps necessary to be like them. I went out to clubs and restaurants several nights a week to get more comfortable with being around real people in public. I had several friends I routinely hung out with, including Cesar, a self-identified "friend to the trans community." At the time, Cesar was dating Dee, one of the most beautiful Asian transsexuals in Philadelphia. In a large way, Cesar helped guide me on my path.

"You will never pass by wearing a wig. No transsexual wears wigs. Wigs look unnatural," Cesar said.

At the time, I thought he was an asshole for saying that, but he was right. One night, after being so fed up with my situation, I cried to him. I cried intensely. I wanted to pass so badly that it was gnawing at the very core of my being.

He wiped the tears from my cheeks, held my face in his hands, and looked into my eyes.

"You already have what it takes. You have such beautiful features... your eyes, your high cheekbones, your lips... why must you hide them behind a wig?" he said.

At that moment, I realized something. Without him saying it, I realized what I needed in order to be like them. I first needed to be me. I was trying so hard to be like them that I lost sight of the fact that being me was what I should've been striving for all along.

So one night I stopped wearing tons of makeup and wore only the bare essentials and people noticed something different about me. Somehow, I looked better than ever before. The dark red lips were replaced with pink. The heavy multicolored eyeshadow became a single shade. I still wore wigs because I was afraid to let them go. A wig was like a security blanket to me. For others, it was a necessity, but for me, it was like a magic hat that I could hide in and cover parts of my face.

"You have a beautiful face, so why hide it?" Cesar commented.

Because I was afraid, that's why. Afraid of being called a man.

"You will always be called a 'man in a wig' if you keep wearing wigs," he said.

"You harsh fuck!" I said to him, and I didn't speak to him from that point on.

And then one day something magical happened. Maybe hormones helped me. Maybe it was the way I was carrying myself. I started being called "miss" in boy mode. I shrugged it off. And then it happened again. And again. In everyday places, such as the post office, in fast food restaurants, while walking down the street. It wasn't consistent, but it happened quite often. If I wasn't called "miss," I was called "ma'am" and I was fine with that. It was a new experience for me and it has puzzled and pleasured me for many years to be referred to by feminine pronouns even though I didn't try very hard to look female.

What would possess people to call me a feminine pronoun even though I believed I clearly looked like a boy?

"Because you don't look like a boy anymore," a friend told me.

That was one of the catalysts that enabled me to have the confidence to say yes, I can do this. I can remove the magic hat. You can bet that the first few times my friends saw me without my magic hat, many had negative things to say because they didn't understand what I was doing at the time, which was reinventing my look. I do that every so often and you'll see proof of that on my evolution pages.

I love challenging myself and one of my goals in life is to see how good I can become in anything I dedicate my life to. I'm on speaking terms with Cesar again after four years of discovering myself. I realized that the harsh, blunt advice he gave me was really for my own good and I became a better person as a result of it.

Some of you will read my story and say, "How could she think she didn't pass? She always passed!" My definition of passing is very different from most people's. To me, passing means there is no question in anyone's mind that you born a genetic female. Most tgirls can pass to one or two people, some tgirls can pass to a handful of people, but few can pass to everyone. If passing to everyone is the true definition of passing, then I'm not quite there yet, but I'm getting there and you can bet that I'll be there eventually. If I set my mind on a goal, I'll eventually achieve it. That's the mark of a winner.

How do you feel about people making the distinction between transgender and transsexual?

If we are going to nitpick like that, we may as well say that any transsexual who is hopelessly unpassable should be labelled transgender. This may include any transsexual who is over five-foot-eight, over 150 pounds, has larger than size 9 feet, has manly hands, and has a masculine face. Doesn't feel good to be labelled transgender now, does it? Good, and that's why YOU SHOULD NEVER LABEL ANYONE ELSE, either. We are what we are and sometimes what we are changes over time. The people trying to fight for distinctions are so wrapped up in their heated debates that they lose sight of the pleasures of being a woman.

• Never vacationed with a man who thinks you're the best thing God has ever put on this Earth?
• Never enjoyed dinner and a nice bottle of wine with a man by candlelight?
• Never danced with a man?
• Never kissed a man?
• Never made love to a man?
• Never confided in a man and shared your innermost secrets, dreams, and desires?

Then you are not a woman. Don't use someone else as an example. "Oh, but my friend Ashley has done all of that." I'm talking about you... You. Yes.....YOU.

"Oh, but I'm a lesbian," some transwomen will say. Very few lesbians have only been with women. If you fear making love to a man because you are homophobic, then you're a man! There are so many things that genetic women do that most transsexuals will never do because those transsexuals are so ignorant and selfish. How many transsexuals will ever marry a man or woman they love? Have children? Raise children? Teach children? How many transsexuals can actually walk into a Victoria's Secret fitting room without getting strange stares by the genetic women there? How many transsexuals actually work in white collar jobs? If you haven't accomplished many of these things, would you like to be labelled a certain way because of it? Now you see how stupid the labels transgender and transsexual are. To hell with the distinctions. We are all transgender and we are all transsexuals to some degree. We are people just like everyone else.

I'm considering transition. How should I start?

Talk to everyone you meet whom you consider a reliable source: a gender therapist, a psychiatrist, an endocrinologist, full-time transsexuals who look well-adjusted, etc. Study information in books and on the Internet, but don't trust any single source entirely. Find common knowledge among all your sources before you proceed with hormone therapy and plastic surgery. Transition is not for everyone. In fact, most who transition probably shouldn't or aren't ready for it. I wrote Facts and Myths About Hormones for those of you who started your transition late, but bear in mind that it includes my personal experiences so my advice may not apply to you. Read or listen to as many different personal experience stories as you can and keep an open mind when you read or listen because everyone has something to offer, some wise little tidbit of advice that may help you on your own gender journey.

If I start taking female hormones, will I look more feminine and be more passable?

Many transsexuals mistakenly believe that a pill can transform them into a woman. Not true. Based on my strict philosophy, hormones should only be taken once you reach a point of impasse after you've done everything humanly possible to improve your appearance. Too many transsexuals start their hormone therapy too early in their transition and when they find out that they are still treated badly or seen as men, they get very distraught and jaded. Nobody gives a crap about how distraught you are and there would be no reason to be jaded if you learned everything that you needed to know about improving your appearance and self-image before taking hormones. Don't start hormones until you are truly ready. Learn makeup application first. Learn how to improve your skin. Learn proper female behavior. In other words, learn what beautiful women already know. Hormones are icing on the cake after you've mastered the basics. You can't turn an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan overnight.

Should I tell everyone at work that I'm transitioning? Will they accept me?

If you've been working in the same place for many years and were hired as a man, it would be a good idea to contact your human resources department and get your manager to inform everyone in your department about your name and gender change. That way you will have management on your side in case any discrimination issues arise. Tolerance is an easy thing; acceptance is much more difficult. If the people you tell don't accept you as a woman, then the problem might stem from the fact that they always knew you one way and now you're trying to present in a totally opposite way. Some of them may have looked up to you and now feel betrayed. By becoming a woman, you have failed them as the friend they once knew. If they always saw you as a genderless, harmless, and effeminate person, they will have a much easier time accepting the fact that you want to live your life as a woman. It would make sense to them. Unfortunately, 99% of you were once masculine men and that's why you will lose almost all of your friends and family by telling them that you want to live as a woman. There is certainly hope for you and you've come to the right place to learn how to feminize not just your face, but your whole way of thinking.

If I live as a woman but nobody accepts me as a woman, am I still considered full-time?

Yes, but most people who do not understand our situation will think differently. I believe you're not living your life as a woman if you're not accepted as a woman. You're basically living your ideal of what you believe a woman is, which may convince some people to accept you as a woman, but unless you have unanimous acceptance, you're not a full-time woman. Some haughty transsexuals condemn crossdressers as people just living a fantasy, but if you are a transsexual and you're just living your ideal of what you believe a woman is and not everyone accepts you as a woman, then you're living a fantasy, too, a full-time fantasy, or nightmare depending on how you look at it.

How do you feel about name and gender marker changes on id cards?

What advice can you give a young transsexual?

Stay in school and go to college, the best college you can afford and get into. Find a good job and save up a lot of money because you're going to need it if you want to live full-time. Find some transgender friends who are like you and who have similar goals. Stay away from aimless people. Some girls who start their transitions young and already look pretty passable are often the ones who think they know it all. It isn't until they get older and realize that the laser or electrolysis treatments didn't quite work as intended or their hairlines receded due to genetics or their bodies fought the effects of the hormones that were supposed to feminize them that they then become wiser to my message that we're all in the same boat, young or old, and that we are all transsexuals who have passing and social integration issues. The young need the old for their experience. The old need the young for their energy. Successful relationships can exist between the two groups and to shut any group out divides an already small, niche group even further.

If I get FFS, then I'll look like a woman, so what could I really learn from your makeup books?

Some of you would rather spend eight thousand dollars for a nose job than eighty dollars for arguably the best makeup and style advice for transgendered women in the world. This really doesn't make sense to me. Crossdressers and transsexuals who know my reputation for making people look beautiful come to me for answers. One of the most beautiful Caucasian transsexuals in the world bought my book, Lower Torso Enhancement, long ago so she could learn about hip padding. Since then, she has progressed beyond hip padding to the lovely natural beauty she is today. She used my book to help improve her image at the time and wasn't afraid to spend a little money to learn a valuable trade secret or two. Many of the most beautful crossdressers and transsexuals on the planet have all learned from my books and videos, so you have an opportunity to be a part of my very special family by showing your support for my efforts by purchasing my books and videos and learning from me.

Why do people address me as "sir"?

Most of you have probably been called "sir" at least once during your transition. A stranger usually calls a male-to-female transsexual "sir" with the sole purpose of denigration or disrespect. Why would you get called "sir" when you know for sure that you do not look like one? To answer this question properly, we need to look at all of the types of people who might want to call you "sir":

• Young adolescents or young adult men who are with their friends and feel they have to prove how macho they are to them.
• Older folks who don't tolerate the idea that anything could exist beyond male or female.
• Women who don't like the idea that you actually look better than them or the women they know.
• Men who don't like the idea that you actually look better than most women, especially their wives or girlfriends.
• People who don't accept you because they feel you are only an approximation of a woman and cannot truly know what being a woman is all about.
• People who think you don't look good and feel you are wasting your time trying to be a woman.
• People who think you look good but feel they have been deceived by you.
• People who think you look good but still want to deny that they are interacting with a transsexual.
• People who think you are dressing as a woman as a gag or because you lost a bet.
• Foreigners who don't think you are presenting as a woman at all. In some non-Western cultures, men's clothes look similar to women's clothes in Western cultures.

Obviously, if you are on a transition path, you do not want to be referred to by any male gender pronouns. Unfortunately, your full-time status does not guarantee that any stranger you meet is going to refrain from calling you "sir" if he or she doesn't accept you as a woman. People are afraid of what they do not understand. Some need a good laugh at the expense of others, so the more we look like large, unattractive Mrs. Doubtfire types, the more they can just write us off as nonthreatening, eccentric people. We are only threatening when we can successfully enter the realm of looking like petite, attractive women and even if we successfully do look like petite, attractive women, only the most tolerant people will be able to accept us as women.

In cases of peer pressure, if a transsexual is seen as beautiful by the majority of people in the world, some people will not care what their peers think, but if there is any doubt about a transsexual's beauty, people may succumb to how they think their peers would react to the transsexual. Respect is always earned, not forced upon. You have to realize that some people will never understand or respect you because you are transgender in the same way that some people will never understand or respect people because of their race, color, or creed. It would be a wonderful utopia if we all accepted, or even tolerated, everyone else's differences, but unfortunately we do not yet live in such an open-minded world.

Seeing that there are so many close-minded people in the world, you can take it upon yourself to try to educate some of the people you meet or you can volunteer in groups that have more outspoken representatives that can speak about transgender people on your behalf. I believe that education is the key to convincing others that we are people, too, just like everyone else.